What Dancing Hookers and Piss Have in Common

Yeah, I knew that title would get someone's attention (sorry Sherri)! Let me preface this blog with the disclaimer that: I have had exactly ... 6... drinks in the past 5 hours. Believe me when I say, it feels like about double that because I'm tired. I'll explain.

I am at training in our beautiful capitol city while I've left my darling husband home to manage the monkeys. I left Monday afternoon, and will not return home till about dinner time Wednesday. Needless to say, I feel a bit guilty about leaving them home to deal without me, but on the other hand, it's really not that bad. On to my title...

Again, I apologize for the rude title, but it really is what the day has been about.

After dining, the guys from work that I'm here with and I went out for dinner. Well, we ended up at a microbrewery, and unfortunately, I was slightly unable to control myself. We indulged in a few drinks, and oh yeah, dinner. We proceeded to downtown, where we found ourselves in a few more bars (how does this kind of shit keep happening?). I got carded at one, and to the dismay of the poor server, I had the audacity to ask him if he carded me because he really thought I was under 21, or if he carded me because he thought he'd flatter me and get a bigger tip... he answered that it was a combination of those reasons. Ok. I can live with that. I used to work for tips, I know how it goes...

SO ANYWAY. We were in the city. Yeah, the one that has the dancing hooker kiosks (see "I'm better now" 8/7/07). I was describing the kiosks to my co-workers and how strange I thought they were. Well, someone else was apparently in agreement, because they were gone. All that remained were stone pillars where the dancing hooker kiosks once proudly stood. My co-workers thought I was nuts... there were clearly NO DANCING HOOKER KIOSKS ANYWHERE IN THE VICINITY OF THE CITY. Thanks to Ozzie (the doorman at some hotel), he verified that I was not in fact nuts, and that he never realized the dancing hooker kiosks no longer existed. He actually walked to the street corner, looked down the block, and remarked, "wow, it's not there anymore! They must have moved it!" Yeah, like to another city. Funny trick, Mitch. Way to clean up the city!

On to the piss. Brian said that his day has consisted of, well, piss. Vincent pissed his bed last night. Then he pissed on the bathroom floor. Apparently his explanation was, "sorry daddy, I couldn't make it to the bathroom."

Anyway. When Brian got home from the barn, got done mowing two lawns, and finally settled in, he learned that the dog opened the patio door while he was gone, entered the living area of the house, and figured it was perfectly acceptable to piss right on our couch cushion.

What the hell is happening? Has everyone lost their mind because I'm not there? Can't I leave for one minute without all hell breaking loose? By the way, where the hell is my Discover card???
I continue to search for these answers.
Until tomorrow...